heavy gust of rain
tongue tied nerves

blustery clouds in spring
fallout days in summer

a pair of dry lips
lost puppy eyes

suck leeches from my knees
watch glacier bits fall from sugar white pastures

those ways are thawing
melting
watch the drip
let out ragged bleats

this morning I rise with full eyes in bloom
a thick loaf of sourdough

a scrunched up forehead
long legs
wide hips
bloated right now

bear fruit out my eyes
giant worms on fish hooks

all we ever seem to do is wake
our names in our chests

that room of stiff bodied people
and wild green outside
flick of lips
when she opened her mouth
and a squeak came out

the charged nature of everything here/now
back bent at screen
blue flowers grew up on either side with little saplings
bombastic voices surrounding park bench
her throat clearing

broad skies and clouds
skinny wisps of white
the building bricks like Marlboro Reds
smoked packs a day those years
something she was good at

Art shows me the world I want to see, reveals how I want to live.
The process of making art teaches me to live better.
Putting creations into the world helps me express
what's going on inside me, in my life, what I observe in this world, my beliefs
when I find it impossible to do so face to face.
By sharing the work I make, I can make myself vulnerable
in a way that opens me up to connect with others through empathy,
and them to each other.
When I see art that inspires me, I am reminded of our condition,
our world, the irrevocable sense of beauty and truth in each moment.

pay attention to how skin lays over bones

laugh at jokes

let the desert sand tension
that's accumulated
into rhino's tough hide

dissolve
to feathery gossamer
what animal am I now?

dream more
daydream
night dream

look people in the eye
when we talk
listen with whole body

there is time for planning

and there is time for presence

do all literary images

taste like paper?

chuck out those bones

those compost roots

make garbage sandwiches

out of banana peels

when i
woke up
i felt
barbaric
this epic spring
journey's been
homeric
submarine swimming
to the bottom
of the
ocean
how bout I
nap for a
while with
calypso

white van
black haired man
no teeth grin
in the driver's seat

a chore
mop up blood
buckets clang
on the highway track

sharp inhale
where we lose the threads

two men
side by side
block the wind
while one lights a smoke

small child
four years kid
aches for mom
screams deep incision

muscles crawl, running
catch my breath

March 23, 2016

Panic does not accelerate productivity.
Slowing down helps me see with more attention and sustained focus.
There is great creative power in waiting and in doing nothing.
Wandering opens up as many ideas as spaciousness.
Taking a long time on a project can help me go big with it.

I can still pump out material, generate new work and experiment
with several improvised pieces a day.
The process is becoming about the long haul.
How I sustain, how I balance out the creative, the professional, the personal.

We handle grief in innumerable ways.
The ways I handle grief over time changes.

Opening up, taking down walls and allowing for vulnerability
makes way for connection.
It's uncomfortable to be vulnerable.
The discomfort zone is where learning happens, where magic happens.

I can only sit for so long without upsetting my body and brain
for the rest of the day.
I need to move and find new positions for myself
in order to engage holistic learning, teaching and making.

I am a total maniac.
I know how to make massive quantity, how to write a lot and create a ton,
and that is an exquisite practice to have under my belt,
but now my challenge is learning to do less
and in that way do better.

I have a mountain of experience under me
and when I don't recognize that,
I stand tiptoe on top of that peak,
unbalanced, about to fall to bottom.

I am privileged in many ways. Marginalized in a few.
I can walk into a room recognizing the areas
in which I am privileged
and use those to help lift up
the marginalized in the room.

Instead of listening for contention or to interrupt,
listen for understanding.
Pay attention to a room --
Does someone need to step forward?
Does someone need to step back?

Reflection is as important as planning and acting.
When questions drive the work,
the work creates more questions.
We can explore deeper to make those questions better all the time.

At the roots of everyone's work are a few core questions.
Finding out what drives us means asking
what enrages, inspires, makes us curious, brings us joy, makes us laugh
and then tapping into those answers.

Generating material is only the first part --
then comes reworking, redrafting, feedback, queering, showing, rewiring...
All the parts that play with the work take the longest.
That final 5 percent it takes to finish a work really does take 95 percent of the time.

A play that taps into shared perversity is more compelling
than one that investigates psychological motivations.

Asking where am I? each moment
can bring deeper awareness and presence
and is an easy way to slip back into a conscious mind frame
when the spinning option steals my breath.

Finding ONE thing, one focus at every given moment
leads to greater groundedness in the work.

Art matters.

I know what I'm doing.
I'm on the path to creating a lifelong process that works well for me.

Great art has roots and reach.

she watches bedroom window
half her life

staring white clouds
mimic fogged glass

one day sickness won't
hold her here

turn to the view

sparkling pond
lilacs on fire
chortling jays
ants swarm
kidnap writhing wasp

turn back to door

blue washes her face
mist up conversations

let's eat oranges and daffodils forever
sleeping on trains, leaning on elbows

a teasing poke
a blinking eye

at his bedside

lost

maybe he could sense me

those last words
bed massive 
swallowing this frail thing there
heavy cells eating his brain

i read from paper hospice left

"Love you for...
Thank you for...
Forgive you...
Forgive me..."

went down the list

shy

wanted to share sage thoughts
grey mustache, quiet breath
tears starting up felt false

wanted to go big
to make my voice clear

whether he heard me or not