Ah, Choice.

The days have been full, and with my MFA coursework, classes I teach and my MFA project ramping up, this case will only grow truer until late spring.

Some of you know that I post raw, rough content regularly on this tumblr page from writings in the notebooks I read. I fill a notebook a month, Natalie Goldberg style. Then I go back and read them.

The notebooks I read through I wrote in years ago (right now I'm into spring 2014). I go back and look through them to find writing from my morning practice sessions then. When I find sections that stand out, I underline them. These are selections that seem awake, electric and clear, among the bland scribbles. After that first read, I go back again, and type up what I liked for 50 Shades of Kraay.

The thing is, sometimes when I read back through the underlined content to post, I don't like what I find anymore. But because I want to post regular content, I type it out anyway and submit it for public digest. Whether anyone reads it or not, I don't know, but it's out there.

Now, with an extra tight schedule, and wanting to put out material I like, I have less need to put out sentences just because they exist, even if they have a bit of heat or energy. I can skip over more lines. I can reread it, learn from it, discover how to map my brain over the years, yes. But it feels valuable to me to conserve what gets read.

This could be one of those obvious statements, but giving myself permission to only put out work I want seen, and to take less time typing up garbage*, comes as an enormous relief. 

Ah, choice. I can own what I do. What a concept.

So, followers of 50 Kraay Shades may start seeing less original content, but I hope it will be better -- less rushed and more engaging. And I'll reblog interesting quotes or ideas that I find relevant.

*useful garbage, in a composting sense, but refuse nonetheless. I've been a regular devotee of Goldberg's rule, "Allow yourself to write the worst junk in the world," since 2010. For the most part, my notebooks are giant waste beds -- Fresh Kills Landfill before Freshkills Park.

Something I decided not to post this morning.