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Have you ever considered going into prostitution to get the next buck? What it would be like to sell your body? Have you ever held a sign? Thought about writing sharpie on cardboard? Have you ever thought with envy at the dancing sign holders outside cell phone stores and tax commissions-- at least they have work? I think as I walk past the homeless, how quick to cross over that line. How I've been there. Not as long or as hard, but I know that side. Climbing out of that nothing, first I shielded myself walking past. I can't afford empathy for you right now. I've been there but I'm not there right now. I can't give you a thing. The man I was with when I was like you used to give away anything we earned. So we didn't eat. So the bankers the calls the angry voices after us as he's making hand outs. So no, I won't look at you, acknowledge you. I'm getting further from that point. Never forget how close. How close STDs, pregnancy scares, cancer, health collapse, car wreck. Don't forget everything's possible. Don't live on guard. Be careful and grateful, be mindful aware, be generous, know how little you make how very little, be willing to fight to earn more. Don't be dumb. Avoid thinking about money. Try to stop.  Photo by Maarten van den Heuvel on Unsplash
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From 2015, I think? I thought I forgot how to love him but it's all magnified. The grey. Burnt embers. The moon makes us ashen. Can we find water? I don't remember singing. It's always this way after a panic. That heavy ache where my leg is supposed to be. Stillness like funerals. Here is the smallest moth, white stardust shimmering in rainlight. Single soprano over violin and piano. The spot of light in deepest chasm. Eyes meet. A letter passed between them in secret. This is my chance. Side by side this togetherness a community a village of song. Before today, there was no thought of loss. At least, no loss spoken.  ...the smallest moth, white stardust shimmering in rainlight. Photo by Mikkel Frimer-Rasmussen on Unsplash. |
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$1, $10, $100, whatevs :) Heidi KraayProcess notes on a work in progress (me). This mostly contains raw rough content pulled out of practice notebooks. Occasional posts also invite you into the way I work, with intermittent notes on the hows and whys on the whats I make. Less often you may also find prompts and processes I've brought to workshops, as well as surveys that help me gather material for projects. Similar earlier posts from years ago can be found on: Archives
April 2024
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